STRUCTURE

• Be honest about your availability and how much time you have.
• If someone approaches you when you are short of time – try not to dash in with reassurance or a quick fix unless you fully understand the situation or what it is they are concerned about.
• Acknowledge how you think they’re feeling.
• Be clear about how much time you have, even if it’s just a few minutes.
• If the issue is not resolved, acknowledge it needs more time and arrange a time to meet later or suggest who else is available.
• Offer regular check-ins.
• If someone is struggling, it’s best to be proactive rather than reactive.
• Build in regular check-ins, which can be spaced out as the person becomes more contained.
• Don’t be afraid to tell the person that you don’t know what to do, but assure them that you will ask and find out more.
• During a conversation, recognise if you’re going around in circles – this is most likely to happen when someone hasn’t felt heard. Gently let them know and ask what would be helpful to move things on.
• Be clear about your role and who you will share the information with.
• Consider if you need to pass on any information or record the conversation.
• Let them know what the next steps are.
• Agree with the person who is going to do what, if anything.
• And what they can do next if things do not improve.

• Feeling heard and understood restores our ability to think.
• Notice how available you are emotionally and if you can genuinely bear to listen.
• Acknowledge and address your own emotional regulation state and take a break if needed.
• Think about your non-verbal body language.
• When someone is in their alarm system, they are more likely to read your nonverbal communication rather than your verbal communication, so you need to be genuine.
• Let the other person talk at their own pace.
• Acknowledge how you think the person is feeling by simply saying what you think you’ve heard, such as ‘That sounds really upsetting’ or ‘It sounds like you are feeling really confused.’
• It will help them process what’s going on, start to understand their emotions, make connections as to why they are feeling that way and enable them to get to the root of the problem.
• Once they are back in their thinking brain, they can start to think about solutions.

• Build relationships when not at crisis point.
• Stay connected, open-minded and curious.
• Through your nonverbal communication, let them know that you are available to help them think this through.
• It can be hard to hear that someone is having such struggles and naturally, we want to make it better, but it is important not to dash in with false reassurance or a quick fix.
• It can be helpful to sit side by side.
• Offer prompts – ‘That must have been hard; what happened next?’
• If you are unsure as to what to say next, say, ‘Can you tell me more about that.’
• Say ‘and’ not ‘but’ it allows different points of view to be held at the same time.
• Rupture and Repair – you may need to explicitly acknowledge any ruptures in the conversation if you have mistakenly made the wrong interpretation.
• Listening to other people’s worries can affect our own mood so make sure you’re looking after yourself too.